This is the first draft of the opening paragraph for chapter two of my novel The Blood Gate. It is still part of the editing process, so please feel free to add any comments and these will be incorportated into the next draft:
'King Excelsior’s kingdom had once been great. It had stretched from the Ultama port to the furthest fire atolls in the frozen north. And at its heart was Excelsior’s palace on fortress island of Enore. Lush forests covered the rocky slopes, and pure white beaches sliding down to the calm seas. The brilliant sunlight poured like golden honey over those fragrant woods and cool, clean springs. The hamlets that dotted the coastline had been prosperous places that circled the deep blue lagoon, rumoured to be the source of Excelsior’s powers.
Of all the great sorcerers, Emmitrius Excelsior was the mightiest. It was said that he could summon fearsome demons from the very fires of the underworld. Some claimed to have seen him walk through the air as if his feet wore wings. Others said that he could make a person see whatever he wanted them to by sheer force of will. Whatever the truth, Excelsior’s rule was long. And absolute.
Little is known of how Excelsior’s kingdom came to its end. All that is certain is that the end was violent. Bloody. And sudden.'